PILLARS

Pillar 1 – I am ready to change

I am ready to change. I have lived the way I have for too long. When I began this journey long ago my choices were just that – choices. Now they have grown into an addiction that controls me to the point that I feel I have no control. This process has affected my thinking, my feelings and my being. Those that I love have also been impacted, some have been devastated. But now, I am ready to change and I commit to pay whatever price is necessary to accomplish this. I have already seen the power of bad choices in my addiction. Now I employ that same power but for positive choices. I will use the power of positive choice for the purpose of
recovery and growth. I will begin the change now and I will recover from my addiction.

Pillar 2 – My brain can change

My brain can change. My brain can be my best friend. It can also be my worst enemy. If I do positive things in my life it is because of the neural circuitry that exists in my brain. If I do negative things in my life it is because of the neural circuitry that exists in my brain. Although my brain does not exist in a vacuum, it does work systemically with my body, my emotions; and my spirituality. I have allowed my brain to develop an addiction and my brain has taken control over me. Now I am taking the control back. I will form better and healthier neural pathways in my brain. A neural pathway is a network of neurons that are responsible for behaviour throughout my brain and body. Now I take control to develop healthier pathways in my brain and body. As I learn more about my brain I will become more and more in control.

My brain is changing even as I read this pillar. My brain can change and I will recover.

Pillar 3 – Empathy

In the past my actions have not always been empathic. I have hurt those I love, and most of all I have hurt myself. From this moment I commit to live, feel and express empathy in all that I do. I will think of how, in the past, my addictive and acting out behaviours have impacted those I love. From this point on, as I am compelled to engage in any form of acting out I will stop and feel how this action would impact those around me and then I will act in an empathic manner. From this point on as I am compelled to engage in any form of acting out, I will identify how this will impact me and I will act in an empathic manner. I will also identify how my behaviours may impact those who do not know me. As I am empathic to others and myself my life will change.

Pillar 4 – Consistency

Consistency is a friend of unhealthy behaviours. It can also be a friend of healthy behaviours. Through consistently engaging in unhealthy thinking and behaviours I have developed a pattern of acting out. This pattern has become a mechanism for coping and so unhealthy patterns have come to control my life. Just as consistency has been an enemy, it can also become a friend. From this point forward, I will act consistent with my values and what I believe. I know that with each consistent choice greater learning takes place. As I consistently make healthy choices and avoid acting out, I will move closer to freedom and emotional health. Healthy choices made consistently will facilitate change at a cellular level of my being.
As these cellular changes take place my entire physiology is changing and improving. I will act consistently and I will recover.

Pillar 5 – Frequency

Good choices made frequently lead to lifelong positive changes. From this point on, I will not only make wise choices but I will make them frequently. With each choice that I make, the choice becomes more natural to me. Therefore, I will choose not to make unhealthy choices any more. I will choose to make wise and healthy choices on a frequent basis. This helps these decisions to become a natural part of my very being. With each healthy choice made frequently I will increase my freedom. The more often I choose healthy choices, the stronger I become. I will remember that as I choose healthy actions frequently, my brain continues to change and I become more free and more healthy.

Pillar 6 – Duration

I will lengthen the duration of my healthy choices. I will choose wise choices over an extended period of time. I have started to make healthy choices on a daily basis. I will continue to do this but I will extend the days into weeks and weeks into months, the months into years, and the years into a lifetime. I alone am responsible for these choices being made. As I lengthen the duration of my choices my confidence will increase and I will heal. From now on I will no longer hold others responsible for my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, or my life. I can choose my future and I will do this by making healthy choices for the duration of my life.

Pillar 7 – Intensity

Intensity has been one of my worst enemies. The more intense a stimulus is, the greater the impact it has upon my brain and body. The negative things I have experienced and chosen to take in have been intense and they have shaped my being. From this point forward, I will remember the principle of intensity and I will never willingly allow such an intense and negative experience to come into my life. If I do allow such a thing, I am making a choice not to recover. Healthy changes can be made without intensity so long as I practice and apply the principles of consistency, frequency and duration.

Pillar 8 — Commitment

When I started my journey, I committed to pay whatever price was necessary in order to get well. To this point I have done that but I recognise this is only the beginning. I commit at this time to continue to pay whatever price is necessary and I will make that same commitment every day. As I continue to make that commitment I will continue to become healthier. Life is worth living and living means more than simply surviving. Living means growing and I have now started the process of growing. I will continue to pay the price of growing and make positive decisions to keep myself safe from relapse.

Pillar 9 – Investment

I now know the importance of avoiding unhealthy stimuli and choices. I will avoid unhealthy choices. I will avoid unhealthy stimuli. My choices to not avoid these things in the past have contributed to my current place in life. From this point on, as I have the desire to act out I will remember my values and my vision of a better life. I will act accordingly and I will avoid all unhealthy stimuli. I will pay whatever physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and financial price is necessary to avoid these stimuli and get well. I will do this because I am making an investment in one of the most important creations in the universe — me. I would choose to walk a thousand miles many times over before I will allow unhealthy stimuli to come into my life again. I will avoid unhealthy stimuli and I will stay well.

Pillar 10 – Gratitude

I have now begun to feel free and experienced living with honesty and integrity and for this I feel gratitude. I will allow gratitude to be a guide in my life. My life is better today than it was several months ago when I began this joumey and I feel gratitude. I have learned to healthily accept and experience both pain and joy with dignity, and for this I am grateful. This learning has also allowed me to feel more grounded in my day to day life. As I stay grounded I think more clearly and as I think clearly, I make rational choices. As I make rational choices I make the conscious choice to stay healthy. Hence, I will continue to feel gratitude. I will find someone or something for which I am grateful, every day. No matter how painful a certain day maybe I will find something to express gratitude for, even if the thing I express gratitude for is the ability to healthily experience pain. For the same mechanism that allows me to feel pain also allows me to feel joy. I will feel and express gratitude and I will continue to stay healthy.

What my patients say...

“... our sessions. I found them hugely insightful, and that they helped me to navigate to a better understanding of myself, my emotions, and my coping mechanisms. In turn, I now feel I have more of a choice/ability to self-determine when presented with difficult situations. I feel like I am on a much surer footing for embarking on couples therapy with my wife and have much greater confidence that the challenges in my relationship can be overcome. Thank you!
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Simon – UK

“Tanya has helped us both as a couple dealing with the problems caused by compulsive sexual behavior both as an addict with a history of ADHD and also as an affected partner. Her caring and practical approach using a variety of therapy tools, together with her knowledge of neurodiversity has helped us recover our life together. We now better understand each other as individuals and as a couple. Her use of neurofeedback therapy to treat ADHD issues has helped us immensely.”

Brian & Alison – Hampshire

“Tanya helped to calm my anxiety during lockdown via zoom. I was in the late stages of pregnancy and was experiencing anxiety about the birth as restrictions were in place re birth partners and I was afraid of being alone. I also have an underlying fear of being sick. Working with Tanya helped me to relax and make the best of a magical period in my life and I would not hesitate to turn to her in the future and would recommend her.”

“I have been to many different therapists to control my addiction. In a very few sessions Tanya helped me see me understand how and why I do what I do. She also included some Hypnotherapy which seemed to help me control my impulses – but also start to create a picture of where I was going. I now have the tools to take the next steps.”

Male, 42 years - Addiction

“Having suffered from depression most of my life I didn’t have any high expectations though I badly wanted to feel better in myself. I would highly recommend Tanya and I haven’t stopped singing her praises. Although I still have some ups and down, they don’t overwhelm me as I have the tools to deal with it now.”

Male 47 years - Depression

“Since the Covid pandemic I knew that I had to find an alternative method to dealing with my needle phobia which wasn’t crying, panic attacks and fainting. I thought I would never be able to feel better or even look at a needle. But through hypnotherapy and desensitisation techniques, Tanya has helped me face my fears. I’m so proud! I even had the courage to hold a needle, something I never thought would happen! She has made me feel confident, and I now don’t feel the need to avoid needles.”
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Female, 26 years - Phobia

“Having suffer with severe anxiety and panic disorder since I was 16 hypnotherapy was suggested to me after I had tried everything else! It has been a life saver! And it has worked, I can finally breathe again. Tanya has been fantastic understanding me and my mind and has provided me with the tools to finally live my life normally. Thank you!””
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Female, 27 years - Anxiety

“Thank you so much – Not only have I stopped my sex addiction I’ve got my self-esteem back and my family life; You also managed to sort out my IBS in the process 🙂”

Female, 34 years Anxiety and Addiction

“When I came to you, I had lost a relationship through porn and was spending way more money than I had. Now I understand the background to my addiction it has helped me in all areas of my life – including a new relationship with a much deeper level of communication”

Male ,44 years - Depression and Addiction

“Cheers – although I still use porn, I’ve stopped using it as much and prostitutes – I know the porn may have to go at some point but at least I now understand the science behind it and what I am up against and at least now I feel I am making choices.”

Male 24 years – Porn Addiction

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